So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
