Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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