I wish I could punch you in the face.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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