also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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