so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
