I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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