i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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