Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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