Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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