using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
