dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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