trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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