My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
