so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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