good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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