I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
