I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize