and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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