Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
im on a boat
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