Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Randomize
