I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
