Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
