I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
if only i could text you this smell
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize