He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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