there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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