If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
