you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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