If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
