1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
