i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
