why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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