But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
