dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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