Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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