Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
