i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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