what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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