i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
