Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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