You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Pants are for mortals
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
