my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
