It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
