Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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