dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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