i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
