i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize