The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
