i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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