Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dicks are not precious.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
