If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
