this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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