three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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