I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
