why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
