I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
