so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
