that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
