dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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