Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
