farters have to be the big spoon...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
