I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
