kristin has been a bad kristin
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
