Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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