dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
