If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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