you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
