im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I puked a lego.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
