On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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