Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
