i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
