is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
