I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
