if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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