Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize